Remember, they shot the filly...

Hillary! Wins South Dakota, Loses Montana...
And, The Nomination

In the electoral equivalent of a giant hugfest, the Democrat Party (narrowly) selected the barely qualified Senator from Illinois, B. Hussein Obama, to be its nominee for the 2008 Presidential contest.

Senator Obama, speaking in Minnesota, expressed the need for change...and for unity. And, given the tenor of the primary campaign over the last few months, unity would be a change. A change from the sniping, fighting, and angst that must accompany any Democrat campaign.

He spoke of an end to Republican policies that have made the rich richer; and, the poor...fucking destitute. A need for energy policy ('though the Democrat party has stood in the way of drilling in ANWR, off of the Florida and California coasts, and from opening a nuclear storage facility in Yucca Mountain, Nevada). A need for universal health care ('though no one has explained how to get Americans to accept the almost certain rationing that will come with health care for everyone). A need to get out of Iraq, since fighting the terrorists abroad does nothing for security at home ('though he didn't say how Americans, without universal health care, will adjust to having guys named "Hussein" blowing shit up right here on Main Street, U.S.A.). A need to avoid references to religion and patriotism ('though, frankly, some of us are still clinging to our faith...and our guns).

The fact of the matter is, Senator Obama has accomplished something amazing. He is (probably) the least qualified Presidential candidate (of any race or sex) to come along since Dewey beat Truman (almost).

So, as the 2008 campaign begins in earnest, let's not forget...

Hillary!

The woman who has gained a greater percentage of the popular vote, and who has won the most important states.

The woman who never says its over unless she sings...

And, from where The Lifeguard sits, the Fat Lady isn't quite ready to sing.

So, over the next few days, we will sit, watch, and wait. Really, just because B. Hussein Obama says it's over doesn't mean it is over.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour? No!

Lawdy no, Missus Clinton...

Only In America...

could a person--in this case, Hillary!--have the hubris to ask the front-runner in the quest for the Democrat nomination to be her Vice President. To be on her dream ticket.

Granted, Hillary! is probably better qualified to be the Commander In Chief, even if it is by virtue of the fact that she once had sex with a President. Of course, by that calculus, Monica Lewinsky is a close second in the ranks of qualified Democrats.

And why, in the name of all that is holy, is it wrong to...um...call a spade a spade.

There are only two reasons that Senator B. Hussein Obama is even in the race.

One, has to do with the fact that he is a cipher. No legislative history. No notable success as a lawyer. No jobs other than those where John Q. Public's tax dollars pay his salary.

Granted, he is a cipher with a smooth manner, rock star bearing, and savvy political advisers; but, he is less qualified to be POTUS than just about any actor who has played one on the big screen.

This is an advantage because he can speak in platitudes.

"Together we can."

"We worship an awesome God in the Blue States."

He can co-opt the speeches of other people--like Governor DeVal Patrick (D-Just Like Barack)--and no one will care. Because he has no substance, he can blend in with his surroundings, and no one will know. No one will care. No one has anything on him.

For a society with so much information at our fingertips, we are so foolish to think that a trip to grandma's grass hut, in Kenya, counts as foreign policy experience. Or, to think that a trip to a conference in Geneva equates to diplomacy. Or, that five years in a stinking shit-hole of a prison, in a Third World country* equals competency in dealing with foreign governments.

The second reason that Senator Obama is in the race is, well, his race.

Sadly, no one can say it without being called a racist. Except, for Hillary! She gets away with comments that would undo your average white guy. She as much as told Senator Obama that if he knew his place, he would agree to be her running mate.

Now, I realise that Hillary! is married to the first black President of the United States, so perhaps she can make those comments. (e.g., Chris Rock can use the N-Word, Michael Richards can not.)

The bottom line, my friends, is that America has become a nation where the three least qualified candidates have become inevitable.

Because they make us feel good.

God help us.

*No, I am not talking about Arkansas.

More Dirty Tricks

"Which Way To The Ovaries?"

In another blast from the past, The Lifeguard remembers the picture of Presidential hopeful, Senator John Forbes Kerry-Heinz (D-MA). You know, the picture of the junior Senator from Massachusetts (who served in Vietnam), crawling through Rosie O'Donnell's left fallopian tube.

Actually, it was the right.

Campaign manager, Mary Beth Cahill, called the release of the photograph "...a dirty trick."

Funnily enough, Senator B. Hussein Obama (who never served in Vietnam) has called Hillary!'s release of the picture of him in the African dress (really, it's a dress) a dirty trick. And others seem to be on to the fact that Hillary! might just be a racist.

Really, Barry. May I call you Barry? Until you are the President--when you have an excuse for wearing dopey-looking local garb--you had better think twice about having cameras around when you are visiting NASA, Fort Knox (where there are tanks--and tank helmets), or Somalia (or whatever God-forsaken Third World toilet you were in when you put on that dress).

Otherwise, deal with it.

"Lawdy, Y'all. Dat Obama Be Jus' Like Da Reverend Jackson. Now, Where's Da White Women At?"

Speaking yesterday, in Columbia, South Carolina, Former (Impeached Black) President Bill Clinton compared Senator B. Hussein Obama with one of the most divisive figures in American politics, the race-baiting shakedown artist, the Reverend Jesse Jackson.

By mentioning Jackson and Obama in the same sentence, Clinton successfully engendered the same reaction that linking President Bush and Adolf Hitler gets (in the non-liberal, America-loving America in which I live). Or, Howard Dean comparing Senator Joe Lieberman (I-CT) with neo-Nazis.

Simply put, most Democrats--certainly those at the top of the food chain--are racists. And, Bill and Hillary! are among the worst.

The former President has managed to send a message to the racist element in America--the same people who think that Oprah is a "traitor" for supporting Obama--that the only good black President of the United States is a white President of the United States. (And, since the Twenty Second Amendment prohibits him, elect his wife.)

Sadly, in the past, many blacks have accepted this line of reasoning. But, with Obama in the hunt, they have a choice between The Establishment (Hillary!) and the New Generation (Obama). Whether the black community makes that choice or not remains to be seen.

Bill Clinton's Dream...

Former President Bill Clinton, in an appearance at the Convent Avenue Baptist Church, in Harlem, New York, was caught dozing off.

Said the former Chief Executive, "I was tired of listening to all of this shit about Martin Luther King, Jr. Hell, I was the first black President of the United States."

Later, he recalled former Ambassador Andrew Young's comments, and said, "I started thinking about Michelle Obama, and how I'd like to hit that thang."

"My dream is to have Hillary! and Barrack on the same ticket. Then, I can 'entertain' the Second Lady, if you know what I mean," Clinton said.

"The Lincoln Bedroom is mighty cozy," said Clinton.

"I HAVE A DREAM..."

“I would point to the fact that that Dr. King’s dream began to be realized when President Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, when he was able to get through Congress something that President Kennedy was hopeful to do, the president before had not even tried, but it took a president to get it done. That dream became a reality, the power of that dream became real in people’s lives because we had a president who said we are going to do it, and actually got it accomplished.”

Senator Hillary! Rodham Clinton (D-NY), speaking before the Local 32BJ Union, in Midtown Manhattan, made the above remarks, hoping to explain away accusations that she is a racist.

I would point to the fact that had it not been for the Republican members of Congress--the ones that stepped up and supported President Johnson, and the Civil Rights Act of 1964--the president would have gotten cock.

I also note that the Civil Rights Act of 1957, introduced by President Dwight D. Eisenhower, was watered-down due, in large part, to Senate Leader (and later President) Lyndon Baines Johnson.

RACIST ALERT! RACIST ALERT!

Hillary! does it again...and gets a free pass from the mainstream media. Today...on Today (with Matt Lauer)...Hillary! noted that Senator B. Hussein Obama (who hopes to be America's second black president) "...hasn't done the spadework necessary to be president."

Maybe The Lifeguard (and Rush Limbaugh) are making too much of this; but, I don't think so.

She went on to talk about how Governor Bill Richardson, an Hispanic, keeps his house spic and span; and how she once "Jewed down" Connecticut Senator Joey Lieberman at a garage sale.

Rush Limbaugh mentioned it. A few bloggers have, too. The major news organs, however, have decided to let it slide. Sort of like when she recalled that Ghandi ran a convenience store in St. Louis.

In other news, Hillary!'s husband, the first black President of the United States, said that he was unable to make Hillary! "...younger, taller, male." He did, however, tell a chunky college girl working on Hillary!'s campaign that he could "...make her see Jesus."