They Needed This For The Titanic

Last night, I was sitting on the couch, watching Rocky IV. This is, in my humble opinion, the second-best of the Rocky Series (followed by Rocky III, Rocky Balboa, Rocky II, and the abyssmal Rocky V).

In the film, one gets the beauty of The Hardest Working Man in Show Business (performing "Living in America"), as well as some great training scenes.

I am reminded of a story told by Speaker of the House, Tip O'Neill, who had visited President Reagan, in hospital, following the assassination attempt. O'Neill said that Reagan looked so frail in the hospital bed, and he placed his hand on the President's arm. He remarked that Reagan's arms were like steel cables, and he asked how he had gotten so strong. The President replied, "From splitting wood." O'Neill said later that he tried splitting wood, and it was no easy task. That if the President, then in his 70s, could do it, we had nothing to worry about in terms of his strength.

Anyway, a commercial comes on, and I was both appalled, and laughing.

It seems that three lovelies are sunbathing on the rooftop of an apartment building. One of them looks up, and sees that the water tank on top of the building is about to burst.

Thinking quickly, she reaches into her handbag and pulls out a super-absorbent tampon, which she flings at the now rupturing tank, soaking up the water and saving the day.

Now, this is so wrong on so many different levels. First, is there ever that much liquid? And, if so, I don't want to know about it. What if this chick goes swimming in a pool? Will it all be sucked into her hoochie? What happens to her when 50,000 gallons of water gets absorbed into her tampon? Will she explode?

Second, what in the hell are the network folks thinking when they run this ad during a manly film like Rocky IV? Maybe Steel Magnolias. Are the men watching Rocky IV so whipped that they want to know about this product so that they can buy them for their women?

And third, what about other uses for this product? Will ExxonMobil put a box on all of their supertankers (in the event of another Prince William Sound debacle)? Leaky basement? Don't call Boston Basements, just buy a box of tampons.

Let us simply say that I did not need to see that; nor, did I need to know about it. Really.